Posted by: theteet | November 12, 2009

Don’t forget

Nine years ago today, on a Sunday morning just outside Athens, my sister, her friend, my college roommate and I probably should’ve died in a very terrible car accident.

Instead, we all were put back together again with a bunch of metal plates, rods and screws. Our driver, whose last name I’ve forgotten, suffered a broken nose and a large sack of guilt. I hope he’s put that down by now.  I’m pretty sure I heard he is a commercial pilot.

I hope the Lord does not regret the additional years he gave us.

What are you doing with your borrowed time?

 

Posted by: theteet | November 12, 2009

UPDATES: Ken Blackwell and my cervix

welcome to a fellow blogger.

I’d like to formally welcome J. Kenneth Blackwell to theteet.com.

I received a Facebook message from the former Ohio gubernatorial candidate earlier today. It said, and I’m quoting only partially here, “I enjoy your blog.”

I’ll give you a moment to let this sink in.

For my non-political friends, Mr. Blackwell is best known for becoming the first African-American to be the candidate for governor of a major party in Ohio. He is also a blogger. Just like me.

I think this is the most appropriate time to tell you about the second-most exciting thing that happened to me today in a new segment we’ll call CERVIX WATCH 2009.

My doctor was out again today, so Molly Mae and I had another pinch-hitter. She was a little aggressive. But her name was Molly, and she was tiny and adorable, so we let it slide.

For the record, I am 37 weeks pregnant.  ETA: Dec. 4.

However, according to Dr. Molly, I am 1 cm dilated and 70 percent effaced. For those keeping track at home, we need to get to 10 cm and 100 percent, respectively, to push out a baby. Active labor begins around 4 cm.

Fancy CERVIX WATCH 2009 graphic

My family has reacted to this news with something along the lines of “you’re having a baby this weekend!” or “OMG! HERE COMES THE HEAD!” I’d like to remind everyone that women can be effaced and dilated for a long time before labor begins. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. Molly Mae and I could really use a couple more weeks to get ready.

We need to find a pediatrician.

Anyway, the doctor said all was looking good for the both of us. She said something along the lines of, “You don’t have a very big baby in there,” which I loved, and she speculated that we’d have a 6-pounder when the precious time came. Seven at most.

Molly is doing everything that I asked her to. Well done, little girl.

We had a couple heart-pounding moments a few hours after the exam, but I don’t think we’re all ready to talk about mucus plugs or bloody shows yet. I’ll save that lesson for another post.

There’s a lot to take in here.

Posted by: theteet | November 11, 2009

GPOYAS: Run for your lives!

There are still 23 days until our due date, but in two days, this baby will fully cooked.

IMG_0405

36 weeks 5 days

That is insane to me.

IMG_0403

Remember when this sweater fit?

Things are officially pretty crowded in here. It hurts to just kind of sit around. It feels like I have sore muscles from too many crunches or something. I can assure you that is not the case. I’m assuming this is from the stretching of the ligaments and muscles and skin and everything else that’s WAY BIGGER THAN IT SHOULD BE at this point.

HOW MUCH BIGGER CAN IT GET?!

I think I’m nesting, or rather, I’m throwing away everything we own. We have — or rather, we had (RIP, tubs) — those big tubs of junk that we move from one house to another for reason. Do you have those tubs? If we haven’t looked at it since we moved to Bangs, then it gets thrown away. My wedding dress BARELY made the cut.

I am in love with those vacuum sacks that allow you to store 100 curtains and sweaters and pillows in a 12 foot by 12 foot square. I am getting a little excited just thinking about reducing the space that things take up.

Finally, Seth and I are on the same page.

Unfortunately, we are not going to be one of those couples who has the room ready before the baby comes … who are organized enough to post pictures of the nursery before the big day. Unless Tot is six weeks late, she’s just going to have to fold into our crazy lifestyles. There will be no crib dust ruffles or matching curtains. We’ll be lucky to have a set of balusters for her. And I kind of like that.

Molly Mae will learn to go with the flow.

I cannot believe that this is happening so fast.

Question for experienced mamas: Stretch marks. When do those happen? My belly sometimes gets weird and purple-looking, but thus far, I’ve yet to have any lines of color form. Am I out of the clear or do these things appear after the womb monster exits? My mom said she got maybe two or three of them, so I have genetics in my favor for once.

I am just increasingly curious about what my body is going to look like when this is all over. I have a feeling there is NO WAY that ANYTHING will be able to recover fully. But not only the cosmetic stuff — Do you think my organs will find their way back to their original places? What if they get tangled up on their journey home?

These are the kind of things I worry about.

Posted by: theteet | November 6, 2009

Our baby has a head!

My regular doctor was out with the flu, so I snuck in a free 6-minute pelvic exam with her partner this afternoon. It was the first pants-off visit of my pregnancy. Can you believe we’re there already?!

Looks like little Tot is snuggling into exit position with her head down (Yay! No breech-related C-section!) and her heart rate and my belly measurements were “perfect.” I’m pretty sure they’re paid to tell you that so that you feel better about your womb somehow.

He made me a little nervous when he said I was thinning “rather quickly” for being 36 weeks, but that my cervix was nice and closed. (Why, thank you!)

I asked if I was going to have a baby any time soon and he said, “I’d pack a bag if you haven’t already.”

No. I have NOT packed a bag. We are SO NOT THERE YET.

But you can be “effaced” or whatever they call it for several weeks before popping. I’m going to laugh at this sense of urgency when tot is 6 weeks late.

Anyway, I was driving home when I realized: The doctor felt my baby’s head.

My baby has a head!

There’s a real-life person in there!

And she’s coming OUT soon to live like a person with a head lives!

Pregnancy is one mindfreak after another.

Posted by: theteet | November 4, 2009

oh, for fuck’s sake.

i didn’t LITERALLY mean 10 minutes.

Please allow me to be a total asshole for a moment as I celebrate passage of Issue 2, and the downright brilliant outmaneuvering of Big Veg by what will be known henceforth as Big Meat.

Congrats to all the “real” farmers — family, factory, organic, corporate and otherwise — who parked the combine and devoted valuable harvest hours tirelessly explaining to 9-5ers where their food comes from, and why this was an important issue. It was invigorating to see that happening. Not all votes were because everyone completely understood the issue, of course, but thousands of Food Conversations were started, and they will continue on into 2010. And you were a part of the conversation, instead of just the evil villain in Food Inc. or whatever. Which is important. And you were so patient. More patient then I was, and I’m not even defending my livelihood.

I would also like to thank Tot Two, who was on board from the beginning — you know, because of the placenta. Without her support, and the support of Democrats, Republicans, the governor, Sen. Voinovich, both houses of the legislature, local humane societies, food pantries, commodity groups, the restaurant association, the farm bureau and God, of course, none of this would have been possible. I’d also like to thank those turkey farmers from Texas or wherever who chipped in 20 grand.  Out-of state special interests, I believe they are known as.

Special shout-out to HSUS, whose whack-job method of reform and godless vegan morality proved looney tunes enough to terrify farmers (yes, FARMERS!) into carving out a governmental regulatory board they probably should’ve created a long time ago. The animals will benefit from this clash.

But I’ve got to get this wretched display of a victory dance in now before Big Veg comes back in 10 minutes and, you know, successfully outlaws all pig farming or something in 2010:

Dear Wayne Pacelle:

I think I speak for no one but myself when I say: Take your stupid cat back to Washington and think real hard about what you want to do next. Also, your life’s work is meaningless.

Jesus loves you,

xoxo,

teet

Holy shit! We just amended the fucking constitution!

Now, it’s time to get back to work.

I expect good things from this board.

Posted by: theteet | October 30, 2009

I want to be ready

grandpa's farm

 

grandpa's fam circa 2007/2008

 

They simply do not make men as good as Earl Paulus anymore.

Seth’s grandpa died this morning, and although the Lord took him a little sooner than I think any of us would’ve preferred, I can’t help but think that if Seth and I are blessed to live even half as decent, productive and fulfilling life as he and grandma have, I know I’ll be satisfied.

Today I’m remembering a lot of moments, including a conversation we had about three years ago. The three of us were eating at Schmidt’s in German Village, and grandpa was talking about how the doctors thought he might have cancer. He spoke about his life and his struggles and his triumphs in such a way that it was clear he was pleased with the whole lot. He said that if the Lord wanted to take him, he would be ready. It was hard for us to hear, of course, but at the same time, it gives me comfort now. Not everyone can live their life in a way that they’d come to such a conclusion.

Grandpa was of the generation that never sat down. He was most often a turkey farmer and held, generally, from the stories I’ve heard, at least three different jobs at any given time to care for his family. Just a few weeks ago, in between hospital stays for pneumonia, he was tearing down walls in the old turkey barn. The man never stopped. He was sharp as a tack. It was something like 83 years before his body could no longer keep up with him.

I think about the way he built his house, from the ground up — he and grandma with a trailer attached to their station wagon, and they would pick up huge flat stones along the side of the roads along Tuscarawas county. He worked constantly to provide a beautiful home and spread for his family. In “retirement,” he was the kind of grandpa who made us all wooden trinkets and puzzles at Christmas. The first one to guess what the present was would win.  I was able to be a part of only about the last decade of his life, but it was more than enough to appreciate the joy he brought to everyone in his family.

We last saw grandpa on Seth’s birthday, when we went up to see him in the hospital. He was sassy as ever, teasing me for wearing heels while pregnant, and he told us that the most important thing in our lives right now was growing inside my belly. I can’t tell you how very sad I am that our daughter will never get to meet him. But I’m comforted that her father is cut from the same cloth, and when she is born she will see bits of her great-grandfather in Seth every day. I know I do. Together, he and Seth knew every farmer in every county in the state of Ohio, and they would sit and talk about them all during our visits. If you’d ask grandpa something like, “how do you level log floor joists on the second story of you house?” or “how do you move a well pressure tank from a pit outside your house into the basement?” he would have an answer.

When we would visit, he’d have several calls and visits during the day from people in the community. He knew just who to send if a toilet was clogged or if there was a problem with somebody’s gas well. Anything. He knew everything and everyone. Maybe most of all, I loved listening to he and Seth shoot the breeze, and we grieve the loss of his wisdom and knowledge and his stories. It’s very difficult to imagine giving that up.

Grandma and Grandpa Paulus have been through a lot. They’ve suffered loss that even the strongest marriages do not survive, including the death of two of their children and grandpa’s only son in a car accident back when Seth’s mom was only a teenager. As sad as we are to be without him, I’m happy knowing that he’s with his kids now. And oh, what a reunion that must be.

Thanks to God for bringing such a great man into our lives.

Posted by: theteet | October 28, 2009

God hates me.

There are some new seating arrangements in our office, and I recently have been blessed with an insight into the world of sales that I never, ever wanted.

As I was cursing about an interviewee who kept asking, “Does the story have a positive spin? Because you know we advertise with you,” before I had barely gotten out my name, (WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! POSITIVE SPIN ON WHAT?!) I realized that I’m sure they feel the same about their new found editorial insights.

Anyway. Oil and water, baby. Oil and water.

I cannot say anything further.

And it is killing me.

KILLING. ME.

As a result of this arrangement and the oppressive implied silencer on my precious blogging hands, my co-workers are getting multiple emails a day where I just type out the same words we’ve all heard moments ago on the other side of the wall.

I’m sure they love that.

Isn’t there a soundproof corner they can retreat to and go make us all money?!

I am dying inside.

Although I feel a little better now that you all know that I know that you know that I know.

The relief will be brief, I’m sure.

Posted by: theteet | October 26, 2009

GPOYAS news for Steve Weeks

34 weeks 3Hey, Steve. I am a little more than 34 weeks pregnant. I basically wear this same T-shirt every day.

Posted by: theteet | October 25, 2009

Then dad came over

DSC_7961

and helped Seth put the stair railing in.

These boys have fun together.

These boys have fun together. Still, something doesn't seem right.

mom sees The Vision.

mom sees The Vision.

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